Principle 12 · from the Enchiridion
Protect your peace
A small annoyance can be addressed without lashing out. Practice asking for what needs fixing while treating people respectfully.
Source passage (English)
The passage is shown in English. The explanation and example below are modern interpretations for this site.
If you want to improve, reject such reasonings as these: "If I neglect my affairs, I'll have no income; if I don't correct my servant, he will be bad." For it is better to die with hunger, exempt from grief and fear, than to live in affluence with perturbation; and it is better your servant should be bad, than you unhappy.
Begin therefore from little things. Is a little oil spilt? A little wine stolen? Say to yourself, "This is the price paid for equanimity, for tranquillity, and nothing is to be had for nothing." When you call your servant, it is possible that he may not come; or, if he does, he may not do what you want. But he is by no means of such importance that it should be in his power to give you any disturbance.
What this means
Epictetus asks us to begin practicing with minor annoyances, such as a spill or a delay. We often want two things at once: the problem fixed immediately and everyone behaving exactly as we expect.
We can practice how we address the problem. Explain what went wrong and ask for a correction without attacking the person helping. The irritation may still be there while we do this.
You do not have to feel calm before acting respectfully. Start with one measured response, such as stating the problem clearly before sending a complaint.
An everyday example
Your food arrives late, and part of the order is missing. You can explain the problem and ask for a refund without treating the person answering the message as your sworn enemy.
A refund may not be available immediately. You have stated what you need clearly and can consider the next step without taking your frustration out on the staff.
Reflection Question
Which small annoyance ruins your mood most easily? Can you deal with it without letting it take over?