Value character over appearance
Principle 40 from the Enchiridion
Appearance has a place, but it should not carry the full weight of personal worth. What we praise in people shapes what they learn to value in themselves.
Original Passage
Women from fourteen years old are flattered with the title of "mistresses" by the men. Therefore, perceiving that they are regarded only as qualified to give the men pleasure, they begin to adorn themselves, and in that to place all their hopes. We should, therefore, fix our attention on making them sensible that they are valued for the appearance of decent, modest and discreet behavior.
Modern Interpretation
This passage comes from a different historical setting, but the pattern is familiar. What a community praises affects what people learn to value in themselves.
The lesson is not to shame anyone for caring about appearance. Appearance has a place. It does not need to become the foundation of a person's worth. Qualities that cannot be captured in a single image, such as honesty and how someone treats other people, deserve attention too.
In Practice
Online, it is easy to measure worth through appearance and reactions. Soon, you feel pressure to present whatever version of yourself earns the most approval.
Pay attention to what takes longer to see. Is the person honest? Do they treat people well when there is nothing to gain? You can care about appearance without making it the whole identity.
Reflection Question
When you judge yourself or someone else, what do you notice first? Does it tell you much about their character?