Choose contests you control
Principle 19 from the Enchiridion
Other people cannot take away a standard they do not control. Choose a contest that depends on your conduct, not on applause or status.
Original Passage
You may be unconquerable, if you enter into no combat in which it is not in your own control to conquer. When, therefore, you see anyone eminent in honors, or power, or in high esteem on any other account, take heed not to be hurried away with the appearance, and to pronounce him happy; for, if the essence of good consists in things in our own control, there will be no room for envy or emulation. But, for your part, don't wish to be a general, or a senator, or a consul, but to be free; and the only way to this is a contempt of things not in our own control.
Modern Interpretation
Here is one everyday case. Epictetus describes an unusual kind of victory: you become "unconquerable" by refusing to compete where the result is not yours to control. If your contest is for status or public praise, other people decide whether you win.
Epictetus moves the measure of success back to our own judgments and actions. Then another person's promotion no longer proves that they are better or that we have failed. We can still pursue meaningful work without making applause the measure of our worth.
In Practice
A peer receives a lot of praise, and you immediately feel left behind. Soon, you are competing in a contest scored by other people's reactions.
Ask which part of the contest is actually yours. You can work honestly and improve your skill. Recognition may come or it may not.
Reflection Question
Who do you compare yourself with most often? Is the measure you use actually under your control?