Principle 20 · from the Enchiridion
Pause before reacting
A hurtful comment may bring an immediate reaction. When you can, pause before deciding whether to answer, set a boundary, or leave.
Source passage (English)
The passage is shown in English. The explanation and example below are modern interpretations for this site.
Remember, that not he who gives ill language or a blow insults, but the principle which represents these things as insulting. When, therefore, anyone provokes you, be assured that it is your own opinion which provokes you. Try, therefore, in the first place, not to be hurried away with the appearance. For if you once gain time and respite, you will more easily command yourself.
What this means
Epictetus asks us to examine the judgment we make after someone insults us. We might hear a rude comment and conclude, "I have to strike back or I will look weak." That conclusion is worth checking before acting on it.
A hurtful comment can bring anger before we have had time to think. The practice is to create a pause when possible, so the first urge does not automatically decide our next action.
You may still speak up, set a boundary, or leave. Pausing does not excuse the other person's conduct or make you responsible for being hurt. It gives you time to consider what response would protect you and address the situation.
An everyday example
Someone posts a mocking comment about you online. Your first instinct is to reply aggressively. Step away for a few minutes and let the first rush pass.
You may decide it deserves no answer, a short factual reply, or a clear boundary. You did not choose the comment, but you can still choose what happens after you read it.
Reflection Question
What almost always makes you react immediately? What might change if you paused first?