Principle 14 · from the Enchiridion
Desire what you control
Other people cannot promise the outcome you want. Put your effort into honest communication, fair boundaries, and your own conduct.
Source passage (English)
The passage is shown in English. The explanation and example below are modern interpretations for this site.
If you wish your children, and your wife, and your friends to live for ever, you are stupid; for you wish to be in control of things which you cannot, you wish for things that belong to others to be your own. So likewise, if you wish your servant to be without fault, you are a fool; for you wish vice not to be vice, but something else. But, if you wish to have your desires undisappointed, this is in your own control. Exercise, therefore, what is in your control. He is the master of every other person who is able to confer or remove whatever that person wishes either to have or to avoid. Whoever, then, would be free, let him wish nothing, let him decline nothing, which depends on others else he must necessarily be a slave.
What this means
Epictetus warns about making our freedom depend on what another person can give or withhold. When one particular answer feels necessary, we may begin choosing mainly to secure it.
It is not a reason to stop loving people. It is a reason to stop asking life for guarantees it cannot give, such as another person always being there or always acting as you hope.
You may still care deeply while bringing your attention back to your own choices and character. Other people are not possessions, and no relationship comes with a guaranteed outcome.
Notice whether you are making a request or trying to remove another person's freedom to answer. You can say what you need and decide what you will do if it is not met. This keeps your boundaries meaningful without turning care into constant checking, pressure, or demands for reassurance.
An everyday example
You keep checking a partner's messages and reading every change of tone as a bad sign. Without realizing it, you are trying to guarantee something you cannot fully manage.
Return to your part: communicate honestly, set the boundaries you need, and treat the other person with respect. You still do not know how everything will turn out, but uncertainty no longer gets to choose your behavior.
Reflection Question
What outcome are you holding so tightly that your mood now depends on it?