Principle 23 · from the Enchiridion
Seek your own approval
Feedback can help without deciding your worth. Check your reasons for a choice instead of relying only on whether people like it.
Source passage (English)
The passage is shown in English. The explanation and example below are modern interpretations for this site.
If you ever happen to turn your attention to externals, so as to wish to please anyone, be assured that you have ruined your scheme of life. Be contented, then, in everything with being a philosopher; and, if you wish to be thought so likewise by anyone, appear so to yourself, and it will suffice you.
What this means
Epictetus warns that if pleasing other people becomes your main goal, your life loses direction. Once their opinions are your compass, your choices change with every reaction.
That does not mean ignoring feedback. You can listen and change course when the criticism is useful without building your whole identity around being liked. Private integrity asks whether your actions still match your principles when nobody is watching.
Before changing a choice to please someone, ask what their response tells you. Is there evidence that your action caused harm, or are you uncomfortable because they simply prefer something else? Your own approval should rest on reasons you can examine, including a willingness to revise them when new information matters.
An everyday example
You share your work online, and your mood begins to rise and fall with the response. When the numbers are low, the work suddenly feels worthless.
Use the response as feedback when it is useful, but do not let a number decide the entire value of your work or of you.
Reflection Question
Which recent decision was shaped more by wanting to be liked than by the reasons you actually believe in?