Principle 42 · from the Enchiridion
Understand before you resent
People act from judgments that may be mistaken. Understanding their view can help you respond while still addressing the harm.
Source passage (English)
The passage is shown in English. The explanation and example below are modern interpretations for this site.
When any person harms you, or speaks badly of you, remember that he acts or speaks from a supposition of its being his duty. Now, it is not possible that he should follow what appears right to you, but what appears so to himself. Therefore, if he judges from a wrong appearance, he is the person hurt, since he too is the person deceived. For if anyone should suppose a true proposition to be false, the proposition is not hurt, but he who is deceived about it. Setting out, then, from these principles, you will meekly bear a person who reviles you, for you will say upon every occasion, "It seemed so to him."
What this means
According to Epictetus, people act on what seems right to them at the time, even when their judgment is mistaken.
Remembering that "it seemed right to them" creates room for a firm response without feeding hatred. Understanding how someone arrived at a harmful action does not mean approving it or allowing it to continue.
You do not need to know or excuse every motive before responding. Start with the action and its effect, then ask for clarification if it would help. You can correct false information or refuse a request without deciding that the person's entire character is settled by this one moment.
An everyday example
A coworker unfairly criticizes your work in public. You feel the anger arrive immediately.
Remind yourself that their judgment looks correct to them right now. Then answer with facts, ask to continue the conversation privately, or set a clear boundary if needed.
Reflection Question
Who is frustrating you right now? If you remembered that their action came from their own judgment, would your response change?