Use Insults as Training
Principle 43 from the Enchiridion
Epictetus teaches that every difficult event has more than one interpretation, and wisdom lies in choosing the one that allows right action.
Original Passage
Everything has two handles, the one by which it may be carried, the other by which it cannot. If your brother acts unjustly, don't lay hold on the action by the handle of his injustice, for by that it cannot be carried; but by the opposite, that he is your brother, that he was brought up with you; and thus you will lay hold on it, as it is to be carried.
Modern Interpretation
Epictetus explains that every difficult event can be approached from more than one angle. One angle makes it unbearable, the other makes it workable. He calls these "handles."
If we grab only the most inflammatory interpretation, resentment grows and wise action becomes difficult. Stoicism encourages us to choose the handle that preserves reason and relationship where possible.
This is not denial of wrongdoing. It is strategic perspective. You can acknowledge injustice while also remembering shared humanity, history, and duties. That broader view makes a constructive response more possible.
The Stoic skill is to choose the interpretation that allows good action, not the one that maximizes emotional heat.
In Practice Today
A sibling speaks unfairly during a family argument. If you hold only the "injustice" handle, you escalate and the conflict hardens.
If you also hold the "shared bond" handle, you can still set boundaries but with less contempt. You might pause, de-escalate, and revisit the issue calmly.
You carry the situation in a way that protects both dignity and possibility of repair.
Reflection Question
In your current conflict, what wiser "handle" could you choose that would make right action more possible?